Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
