Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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