My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
