Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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