i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
