mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
