I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
