I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
