Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
