you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Two words: blizzard sex
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize