That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
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