gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
