Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
She bit a glass in half.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
