I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I need to align my fucking chakras
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
