Duck Duck Cougar?
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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