When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
