i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
