I think I just saw someone hide a body.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
