I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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