Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
