last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
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