you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
