everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize