Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
