What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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