No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
