i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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