You don't have asthma, your pregnant
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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