I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Randomize
