Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
