Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
