I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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