There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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