oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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