I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
