drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
