also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Randomize