i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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