Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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