I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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