In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
