Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Randomize
