Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(305): View more from Florida

I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.

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(368): View more from

you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.

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(716): View more from New York

Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.

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(408): View more from California

She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety

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(816): View more from Missouri

Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?

(724): View more from Pennsylvania

Because she offered to bring a keg.

(724): View more from Pennsylvania

And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.

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(513): View more from Ohio

Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.

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