Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I think my moral compass just broke
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
