So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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