Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
