Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
