ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
