Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
He kissed a someone with a penis
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
