why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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