a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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