he puts the penis in happiness.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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