his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
