Clothes are such an inconvenience.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
