my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
