I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
