I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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