apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize