Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize