I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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