i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
