how hairy? two words: wookie tits
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Your penis caused this!
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