Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
