I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
