I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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