Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Randomize
