My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
