I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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